I have always ‘known’ that God loves me but experiencing that God is loving me right now, in this very moment, is a totally different level of understanding.
In my first week at Fatherheart Ministries, INS | The Journey of Sonship, I found myself sitting on the beach surrounded by the hills and felt like I was in some way held by the Father. It felt safe and peace filled. I was stilled in a way I have never felt stilled before and I sensed God saying that I was in His hands – safe in His hands.
I had a further encounter of being held and I saw for the first time that God does not want to fix me, He just wants to love me. I realised in that moment that I had spent much of the last 20 years or so seeing myself as someone who needed fixing. I had invested so much of my time and energy trying to do this. Even in that moment, I was suddenly aware of yet another action plan emerging in my mind of what I had to do. For the first time I was able to respond to the invitation to be simply loved by Father instead. This was a catalyst to a journey of connecting my heart to my head. My heart had been only partially connected for many years and I am slowly learning to listen to and respond to the ‘divine spark’ and ‘true self’ within.
Since INS, I have found myself increasingly free to be me, increasingly free to explore and make mistakes and increasingly free to not fix myself. I now know when fear or shame creep in, that I just need to tune back into to the very present love of the Father. Sometimes I do this well and sometimes not so well but I am learning that I am loved in my present reality, whatever happens!
– Ben Harper (United Kingdom)